It turns out that my lack of direction isn’t so depressing, I just need to be reminded to not take myself so seriously, on a monthly, weekly, daily, minute-by-minute basis. My first-world-problem, of being a poor directionless soul? It’s what most humans are wrestling with each day (thanks MK and AD for the Bozos on the Bus connections).
When I actually took a little time to think about my direction this weekend, I realized that I have more direction than I thought. Writing down some notes helped immensely. What are the ideas that I return to again and again? The ideas that, even when repetitious, feel new and exciting? Again and again, it’s photography, painting, writing – in short, making stuff. I love working with kids and the field of education, but my real dream is to create a living as an artist, and then give money to foundations and other people who do great work with kids and schools.
There, I’ve put it out there for anyone in blog land to see, which may sound simplistic, but it’s a good step for me.
It’s been an easy out, for the past fourteen years, hiding my creative desires behind a husband, two kids, a career, and a household. They’ve all kept me safe – if you advertise your supreme busy-ness to the world and announce that you simply don’t have time to create, you’re exempt from putting your creative heart on the line.
So there’s my new ‘new’ for September. Stepping out of hiding. Hi, my name’s Elise, and I’m a creative person.
I’m beginning with small actions, to continue that stepping out process. Just looking up options on-line, for various courses and workshops. Carrying the nice camera where ever I go. Drawing and painting something, anything, each day. Writing each day. There’s a certain writer’s group that I need to follow through with, by setting a date and time to get together.
I’m also working to counteract the pervasive belief of mine that pursuing a creative life is somehow a selfish route to take. I’m not going to abandon my family to go make art in Italy, but I will keep taking small steps, to live more creatively and more authentically.
As always, some questions for you… Is there a new direction you’ve been wanting to take? What is it? What small steps can you take, to begin the journey?